Totland Bay pier is private and closed to the general public. Being a representative of pier2pier exempts you from such status and allows you to meet its owner Derek Barren. We soon discovered that Derek and Tim shared a former employer Young & Rubicam (one of pier2pier’s sponsors). Derek was the Art Director who made his name creating the Double Diamond campaign “I’m only here for the beer” (memo to self: bastardise this for pier2pier). To those who don’t know what Double Diamond is, it is a beer only available in the 1970s or the bar of the The Ocean Hotel in Southsea. Derek is a worthy owner of the pier and under pub law, owning the freehold allows him to print his own money. You and Sealand, Derek!

Hero: Derek, we salute you

Villians: The local council who turned down the opportunity to re-own the pier for free. Get your act together town hall monkeys.

We headed off on foot from Totland Bay and on the way encountered a family who asked us where to catch a bus to Yarmouth. Tim told them to walk – “it’s only 20 minutes, follow us”. An hour later pier2pier became responsible for the breakdown of their marriage. Yarmouth pier eschews base fun for an emphasis on planks with donors’ names written on them. This might have something to do with the town’s posh Cowes neighbour credentials. Went to Salty’s bar and saw plenty of ”yachty types”